How to choose a political leader

There are obviously many different ways to choose a political leader, but the current system of choosing one based on how young they look seems to be pretty poor. Merely the fact that someone is youthfull does not recommend them to me as a political leader. My daughters are fine people, as are their friends, but I would not honestly recommend that they start running the country, unless perhaps they had tidied their room first.

Two possible approaches spring to mind ;

we should vote for candidates on the basis on which they resemble a James Bond villain. Now this would guarantee that we had someone who would walk the world stage with grace and stature, someone who was a confident leader, though perhaps cabinet members would be well advised to avoid upsets prior to leaving the room, lest they be tipped into a piranha filled garden pond.

This is an equal opportunities policy, equally open to men and women, and all races, including the purely fictional. You need neither be old or young, and lets face it an evil laugh is not a terribly difficult skill to master. You should of course have a bizarre, and sinister personal trait that is just the other side of unbelievable, such as webbed hands, or a third nipple, but lets face it, with plastic surgery these days, such traits are easily replicated.

The scope for other cabinet members is also tremendous, wouldn't Question Time be more entertaining if burly Koreans, were to throw steel rimmed bowler hats at the opposition, or Grace Jones started jumping from the ceiling. After all what is politics there for, if it is not to entertain us.

Not only is this policy sensible, and practical, but it could easily be introduced almost immediately. Gordon Brown, with the mere addition of a purring white cat, and some sinister backlighting, could easily become the megalomaniac "B" recently escaped from the Chinese Tong with their radioactive gold, the brains behind the former UK Prime Minister, this shadowy Scot from his mountainous lair in North Queensferry, controls the world's money supply to his own sinister ends.

With put down lines like "No Mr Cameron, I don't expect you to talk, I expect you to DIE!!!!!"


Alternatively, we should vote for the Prime Minister on the same basis that we choose to run a student election, that is the vote goes to the Football team mascot, or primate that has garnered most support. Similarly root vegetables would also be encouraged to run. I do however feel that it would be important not to split the primate vote, lest some lesser candidate like a career political managed to benefit, but surely these problems are not insurmountable.

The splendour and gaiety of election day, stuffed toys for mascots, pretty posters, witty slogans.

Then followed by five years of dreadful indecision and sliding into catastrophe and debt. But frankly I don't watch the news much, so the latter seems a small price to pay, if it makes the elections a bit more jolly, which lets admit is something that all right thinking people ought to be concerned about.